


Chasing Your Pretty Thoughts

by maevestrom



Series: Vildeblume Cafe Collection: FE Femslash July 2019 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Books, Cheesy Romantic Shit, Coffee, Coffee Shops, F/F, FE Femslash Week 2019, Good ol' Sapphism, Gyms, Inspired by Music, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Dating, Romance, Romance Novel, Slow Burn, Societal Norm, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 14:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevestrom/pseuds/maevestrom
Summary: Femslash Week 2019 Day 2: GrowthThings start to change in Kjelle, taking place somewhere in between romance novels, coffeeshop guitarists, paper flowers, coffee and cocoa, and the way Flora says her name.





	Chasing Your Pretty Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Maeve's Femslash Week project, the Vildeblume Collection! All seven of the upcoming stories will have the hub or launchpad of the fictional Vildeblume Coffeeshop. All of the pairings you will see are (mostly) cross-stories with a Fates character and Awakening character. They were decided by random except by the Free For All. Like I literally made random.org do all the work deciding and picked my favorites. It was a great challenge and I was inspired to write in ways that were self-indulgent and others that challenged me. I hope it shows.
> 
> (As a note, trans!kjelle is never explicitly mentioned but that's how I wrote her and if you can read between the lines you can see it too)

Kjelle’s curious. Probably too curious. 

Her mom always said that her big mouth’s gonna get her in hot water someday, and it probably already has because she’s a smart ass.. Still, she’s had her eye on the waitress at the Vildeblume ever since Selena dragged her there when she came back from Nohr. They spent most of their time that day catching up on the last few years where they didn’t speak much, and Selena told her that it was nice to see someone that she could get in with easy just like they did during high school. Kjelle being the most accessible person with the least risk/reward seems kind of right, but she shrugs it off, and now the two are roommates so it all worked out. 

When Kjelle casually mentioned at the close of summer that she was still going to the Vildeblume, Severa’s immediate response was “Jesus Christ, Kjelle. After all these years, you’re still a fucking horndog.” 

Kjelle rolled her eyes, but it was a fair accusation. The Vildeblume Cafe had a reputation for being the premiere cafe for all of the wayward sapphics in Ylisstol. That wasn’t why it was founded, but an all-lesbian workstaff helped make it a haven for many first dates, secret dates, spontaneous dates, or probably just a spot close to the gym she worked at that Kjelle could get a coffee from and mellow out at during lunch. 

Whatever. It was best to let Severa think what she wanted. Distract her from getting nosy.

Flora caught Kjelle’s eye from the first visit, though lost it shortly after because she spent most of her time chatting up Severa (who called herself Selena when she was overseas for some reason, maybe so no one recognized her as the bitch from five of Ylisstol’s high schools). A few times afterwards, she still recognized Flora. Maybe said a quick hello or two at the start. She was cute- dressed a little too formally for the occasion in skirts that stayed long during the summer even with her light blue hair sticking to the side of her head with sweat. She had an air of just being… above everything. Not haughty, but not on board, and if nothing else, it interested Kjelle. Still, as cute as she was, Kjelle didn’t really do anything about it. She didn’t even consider it a possibility. 

Contrary to what her reputation would have you believe- okay, maybe more her tank tops, short shorts, sweat rags, and four years in high school- Kjelle wasn’t really a player nowadays. Kjelle knows players. Vildeblume has its share of flirts and skeeves and Kjelle’s told a few off with a quick “buzz off” or two. Sometimes she’s indulged them. Sometimes she’s made friends. Hell, sometimes she got a bit of a crush that she killed the next visit when she saw them with someone else. Nothing at the Vildeblume was built to last; there was no way she was going to go in there and seduce the head of staff.

Still… nothing said that she couldn’t be friendly.

\---

Summers are when Kjelle gets the most business; since her business is personal training, Kjelle is tired a lot. Flora officially meets Kjelle when she shakes the personal trainer awake at two in the afternoon and Kjelle trips over a table panic-sprinting towards the door, breaking her nose. Flora inherits all of Kjelle’s panic after she's set to pass out from the surreality of her string of fuck-ups (mostly the part where she fell), at once trying to situate Kjelle, wipe up the blood with the rag in her hand, and ordering someone named Lune to call the paramedics. Kjelle probably says something like “Don’t worry, babe. You’re worrying too much.” Then, because she’s daring/stupid: “It’s cute, though.”

In the ambulance ride, Kjelle realizes what a fucking idiot she is. One, for trying to flirt with the waitress in a way that only a lonely idiot losing blood flow to the brain could, and two, because she had no new consultations until three.

It takes her a week to show her busted face back there, but at the very least, she could gather from the way that Flora reacted that day that she might actually think that Kjelle died if she stays away, so she decides to return, specifically asking for Flora, hoping she isn’t put off by bandages or how Severa signed them during the first night home.

Flora gasps, a smile beneath her hand as she sees Kjelle. It's the first time Kjelle actually processes Flora’s smile. It's luminous enough on her pale white skin that it almost looks like it's invading her face. Kjelle almost walks out before anyone decides she's as much as an intruder as she feels and shoots her on sight, but Flora makes her way to the edge of the counter and reads what Severa wrote on the bandages.

“‘Dumbass’?”

Then Flora giggles.

“Yep,” Kjelle sighs. “My best friend… she’s…” Defeated, Kjelle takes a seat at the stool before her. “Well, she’s the type to see her best friend bust her face open and decide to write “dumbass” in permanent marker on the bandages.”

Flora giggles again. Kjelle’s not sure why she likes it so much. “I feel like that tells the whole story right there.” 

That’s the first time Kjelle hears Flora talk about things like a story. It isn’t the last, even that afternoon. They talk throughout lunch break about things that don’t matter- Kjelle about the jackass hospital staff and Flora about how summer’s brought in a lot more kids from high school. That eventually falls into a conversation about how Vildeblume has a high concentration of teenage patrons. 

“A lot of these girls’ stories start here. I’m glad for that.”

Kjelle smiles. Guess the cafe’s reputation as a lesbian haven gets canonized even by its employees.

Then Flora bows her head.

“Wish I had a place like this when I was young.”

Kjelle nods. She can’t remember if she ever had a place like this. Maybe she did and took it for granted. She feels more like a thing that happens than an entity that can be changed by the direction of the winds of life. Yet an entity is already how Flora feels. 

It _is_ kind of a bummer that whatever walk of life led Flora here didn’t have a stop like the Vildeblume Cafe.

Flora perks up. “Anyway, I think what that this all is, ‘Dumbass’,” She gently tweaks Kjelle’s cast. “They call this a meet-cute. Ever heard of that?”

Kjelle scoffs. “Even a dumbass like me has been on TvTropes.”

Flora oohs in a semi-appealed way. “Okay, so. At the very least, this means that we gotta stay friends. It’s fated, I guess.” 

“I could always use more friends.”

Flora smiles again. Kjelle still isn’t sure how she feels about it, but it’s probably something good.

\---

That’s basically how it stays until October rolls around. Are they friends? Yeah. Kjelle thinks so. Then again, Kjelle doesn’t really have the greatest or even a passable social barometer. This is just as deep as most of her friendships go. Still, when Severa offhandedly comments that Kjelle never brings any friends over, she notes internally that Flora is at least in the bank of people that she would consider inviting, so there’s that.

Are they friends? Kjelle thinks that Flora thinks so. Flora talks to Kjelle in a manner that she imagines that the waitress doesn’t talk to many people. It feels more personal than just a waitress talking to a patron, even in a friendly place like the Vildeblume. There’s always an air of beleaguered, bemused familiarity from Flora, a fussy woman that would just as soon dust Kjelle off as hug her. Kjelle likes that. It means that she’s someone to Flora, and Flora’s already someone to her.

Then there’s all the times that Flora doesn’t think that Kjelle is paying attention. Maybe she thinks Kjelle left, or is distracted, or just flat doesn’t really care. Moments where she hisses a swear after dropping dishes in the sink too roughly. Or when she stands against the wall before doing the first available chore like there’s higher-ups to impress when Kjelle already knows that she’s the manager of the cafe. Sometimes Flora’s reading from a book when there’s truly some down time. She always sighs, and even the happy sighs have something melancholy to it.

Fall comes in but Kjelle’s clothes do not match the lowering temperature. Flora’s hair stops sticking to her head and sometimes she doesn’t wear it in a bun. She seems a little more anxious but it’s only ever when she thinks Kjelle isn't looking. Since Kjelle feels like a spy as it is, she doesn’t exactly tell Flora that when her special sort of sadness adds a little bit of consequence to Kjelle’s conscience, even when Flora has started to fade into the background of Kjelle’s life against her will.

It’s not something she realizes until Flora jumps back into it and she feels the difference. 

Kjelle’s a static person. She needs change, and maybe on some level Flora recognizes this. She definitely vocally recognizes “That hoodie’s not much good for anything, is it?” when Kjelle walks into the cafe drenched in a rainstorm.

“It’s a wet year,” Kjelle complains. "What can I say?” Flora politely laughs. 

“What do you want to order?” Flora looks outside, how desperately rainy it is. “A hot cocoa sounds like it would be lovely in this weather.”

Kjelle thinks, then shakes her head. “Still gotta get back to work. Usual espresso shot, please.”

Flora puts a finger to her chin. “Honestly… I don’t think that’ll really address it all. I’m not trying to be your mom" (Could have fooled Kjelle) "but if you’re not gonna wear a proper jacket then you at least need a full cup of something to warm you up.” 

“Got any ideas?”

Flora thinks out loud through body language. “Sometimes, what I like to do is go half-and-half. Half coffee, half cocoa. Think if I do that I can perk and warm you up at the same time.”

Kjelle nods without thinking about any specifics, which is gonna be really bad if Flora suggests poison one day. “You know better than I. I’d like that.”

Flora smiles. Kjelle feels oddly accomplished. “I think you _will_ like it, Kjelle.”

Kjelle does. She usually swears off sweet things if she can help it, because gym rats like her either shouldn’t consume sweets or shouldn’t want to. This is… uncharacteristically good. Better than espresso shots and cheaper as well. She wonders if Flora does stuff like this on the regular, because she might have to try for more in the future.

The familiarity in the way that Flora says her name is also something that Kjelle likes.

\---

Kjelle’s dug up her raincoat one mid-September afternoon. It was packed away in a box that Kjelle filled during her move into a place with Severa then promptly forgot about. She figures Flora will comment about it in that quasi-motherly way that she has about her, but when she gets to Vildeblume, Flora is too nose-deep into a book to see Kjelle at all. Kjelle’s there just relaxing from a hectic morning at the gym as best as she can. There’s barely anything on her phone besides a few podcast episodes she’s listened to five times already whilst working out over the weeks. There’s less business as it gets colder- at the gym and at Vildeblume- and that’s probably why Flora’s comfortable enough to be as deep into her book as she is. 

“That good, eh?”

Surprised, Flora slams the book closed. “O-oh. I didn’t see you there, Kjelle!” Kjelle also likes how Flora correctly pronounces her name as _Shelle_ even though Kjelle has to remind her how to spell it on paper to-go cups. 

Kjelle laughs. "I think you'd have missed the rapture with how deep into that book you are.”

Flora pulls a few strands of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I’m usually better about being attentive and all that. Sorry I kept you waiting.”

“No harm, no foul.” Kjelle takes off her raincoat to tie around her waist. Flora’s getting started on making one of those half and half things that Kjelle likes. “I don’t read many books,” she starts. “I’m not surprised you’re a big bookworm, though.”

“I’ve been told that I’m the bookworm type.” Something about how Flora says that lacks the pride that it should have.

“You make a neat bookworm.”

Flora snorts. “You’re way too nice.”

Kjelle decides to change the subject. “So was that a particularly good one?”

Flora stops where she’s standing, shaker in hand. With a fierce blush: “I mean, uh… I liked it, I guess.” Embarrassed, she admits “I’ve read it a few times already. It’s just…”

Kjelle smirks. “Dirty?”

Flora gasps. “Absolutely not!”

“Hey, you do you,” Kjelle responds dismissively. “But if not, it has to be interesting somehow. Right?”

Flora sighs. “Look, I’m just gonna hand you the book and finish your drink, then you can laugh at me when I’m done.”

“So what you’re saying is that it’s very good.”

“I mean,” Flora says while setting the book on the counter in between her and Kjelle. “I like it. Nothing life changing, but a good read.” She meets Kjelle’s eyes. “If you can get past the corniness.”

Kjelle sees the cover. 

Then she reads the summary on the back cover.

Then she meets Flora’s eyes as she returns. 

“You do realize how getting past that could be a hard ask, right?”

Flora’s reaction is somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. Kjelle shrugs, crossing her legs. Flora couldn’t have possibly expected differently from Kjelle, could she have? She wants to be like “Uhm, hello? Dumb lesbian jock who doesn’t really know how raincoats work?” Like she’d even consider a novel like this. Gym rats like her don’t like sugary trash, or at least, they shouldn’t.

Flora pushes it towards her. “Give it a try. See what you think.”

Kjelle blinks. “I, uhm… you sure? It seems like your favorite book.”

Flora nods with a sad smile, one embarrassed at herself. That’s enough for Kjelle to take it. Also enough for Kjelle to wish she had more than a gym bag. Flora giggles as Kjelle picks it up and puts it back down on the counter by her drink.

“Give it a try,” Flora repeats. “See what you think.”

\---

Kjelle reads it in about a week and can see why Flora was so embarrassed. 

She reads it in about a week, generally when she’s sure Severa isn’t around to tease her. On the bus between the gym and back after she digs up a book bag from that big unpacked pile in her room. When she’s microwaving her TV dinners some nights and she’s bored of all of her podcasts. When she’s in bed tired enough to start looking at the words and thinking of how on Earth rational people would solve their idiot plot, then falls asleep and dreams of being the female thief in the situation, and how even with such little experience with people, she’d figure out that the knight she was into was pining for her by now. 

Flora’s a hopeless romantic and has the dumbest taste in books. 

But Kjelle actually kind of likes it, so she's one to talk.

A week later finds Severa complaining on the couch after she cooks the first fresh meal that Kjelle has had in a full week, well, after she complains that Kjelle eats like shit for a personal trainer. “Like they need to know that,” Kjelle bites back coolly. 

Eventually Severa gets to her problem: “So there’s this lady that I knew overseas that came back to Ylisse with me. Basically…” Severa thinks. “Imagine if a golden retriever performed in the Lilith Fair. And you have Kagero.”

Kjelle snorts. “That’s a visual.” A story, Flora would say.

“She’s having the first date with another woman in three days,” Severa expands. “She’s in that whole questioning stage about whether or not she actually likes women or if she’s just restless or some shit. She’s hella gay, of course, but like you could tell her that.” 

Kjelle nods with a tiny smile. She was never in doubt that she was some sort of gay. Even as a kid she married her Barbies together, and that’s only embarrassing because that means at one point she had Barbies- even now it feels silly. It’s cute when obvious gays think they might just be going through a phase. They never are. 

“So I’m gonna be chaperoning them,” Severa continues. “Her and her date. Oh, my God, her date. Like…” Severa digs in the pocket of her skirt for her phone, because of course Severa finds skirts with pockets in the corner of department stores. A little bit of fiddling later: “Okay, here’s her dating profile.”

One look at the screenshot and Kjelle cackles, clapping like a seal. “Is that your fucking mother?”

Severa falls onto the couch, legs spread. “Right? Like, she’s early twenties so obviously not, but… Jesus, so imagine this. I’m escorting a dumbass egg to a date with my young mother so I can be bored and awkward for a few hours. I guess I can fuck with my phone, but…” She shrugs. “Kagero better thank me for this. Like, I want a card and everything.”

Kjelle smirks. It’s cute when Severa tries to mask how much she cares about her friends with a bunch of bluster and anger. Still, she relates so hardcore to the feeling of restlessness. Maybe that’s why she plays the same podcasts over and over between episodes- she doesn’t really have enough in her brain to really sustain it.

“Okay, give me a second.” 

Kjelle gets up and starts to walk to her room. Then she stops, steps back, and looks at Severa.

“And if you laugh at me, I’ll kill you.”

“Whatever.”

She’s taken good care of it. It’s Flora’s favorite book, after all. Still, she’s not gonna let Severa sit five feet away from a date between lesbians all bored, lonely, and longing- basically in a prime position to give romantic advice she has no right to give out. She puts it in Severa’s lap and says “Don’t fuck it up. I’m borrowing it from a friend.”

Severa reads the covers just like Kjelle did. Then, with a barely withheld giggle: “God, I hope.”

“Look, I’ll take it back if you’re gonna be like that.”

Severa snatches the book from Kjelle’s hands and that’s the end of that. Kjelle figured that it would be.

She still keeps the book bag when she goes to the gym.

\---

Flora has her share of off days but it seems like she’s being distracted by seasonal depression as fall fully sets in and the flow of kids throughout the day tends to get muted. Sometimes, it's the little things- forgetting to wear her hair in a bun, or asking Kjelle to repeat what she wants when she starts actually ordering lunch food. Sometimes, it’s her spacing out until one of the other employees take over the register, bringing out the wrong entrees to people, or in this case, flat out spilling a tray on a woman in a wheelchair. 

Kjelle cringes when that happens. Poor Flora. Poor Flora getting chewed out by the wheelchair lady’s friend. Poor Flora skulking off to the kitchen. Poor Flora returning looking like she just cried and really doesn’t want anyone to know. 

“We all have our days,” Kjelle offers. 

Flora smiles sadly. “You have no idea.”

A few seconds pass. It’s uncomfortably sad until Flora says “I’m gonna get some fresh air.”

Kjelle smiles, standing up. “Need someone to go with?”

Flora’s surprised for a second. A brief second, but enough for Kjelle to notice how dumbfounded she looks before she recovers. “If you want.”

“Yeah,” Kjelle says. “I want.”

Course, maybe she shouldn’t have wanted it. It usually doesn’t snow this early in the year, but go figure it strikes while Kjelle’s still wearing slacks and tank tops. Flora, on the other hand, looks at home in the snow, walking in between little shops and bars that seem almost unoccupied today. Though, the more Kjelle looks at Flora, the less she’d notice if they were. 

“It’s not supposed to snow yet, is it?”

Flora shrugs, but she’s smiling enough that Kjelle doubts she cares. Her hands are in the pockets of her faux-fur coat, and she’s looking at the sky with enough confidence to make God tremble. Kjelle smiles in turn, even though she’s freezing cold.

“Forgot what that looked like.”

“Snow in October?”

Kjelle stops gesturing at Flora’s smile when she realizes that Flora isn’t looking. “Nah. Snow in October looks like fuckin’ snow.”

Flora shakes her head. “There’s still a few leaves on the trees. Yellow and red mostly, but… snow in December, that’ll get you a white Christmas. Way back in October… it feels different. Nicer. Unique.” She shrugs something off. “Kinda homey.”

Kjelle can’t imagine what it’s like to sense different types of winter so fervently. Snow’s snow to her, but Flora’s always had a bit of romantic flair with everything. Like a cheesy romance novel that Kjelle’s now shared with several friends like the _Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_. Yeah, sometimes Flora seems a little on the nose, but Kjelle likes that about her. She’s been depressed as hell but during times like this, there’s flashes of her getting her mojo back, and internally Kjelle breathes a little sigh of relief. Cause it’s not like she can lie, she enjoys anything that brings that pretty little smile back on Flora’s face, even if it’s snowing in October and Kjelle shouldn’t have worn sandals.

\---

When she comes in during break on a stormy day near Halloween, Kjelle sees a guitarist set up in the corner and nearly leaves Vildeblume. _It’s too fucking early in the morning._ Sure, it’s elevenish, but any time is too early for mom music. Whoever it is starts playing, and Kjelle is about to sit across the cafe at the opposite side- probably while glaring at whoever’s manning the guitar- until she looks up at Flora.

Flora’s not cleaning the counters or doing dishes or fretting about how busy she needs to be and trying to look it when she’s not. As the guitar starts, Flora also doesn’t look sad or restless or self-conscious. She’s smiling just so, not enough to give away that she’s interested in the performance unless you’re Kjelle and know that Flora hasn’t smiled more than ten times in ages, but all ten of those times were in the last week or so.

The guitarist starts to sing. A woman, probably, though Kjelle isn’t one to assume. She didn’t even really care until a half-minute ago, but… anyone making Flora smile can stay. 

Flora doesn’t sing, but when she recognizes the lyrics, she mouths along. The song is impossibly cheesy, like basic four-chords romance movie schmaltz that was in like half the graduation videos from her senior year… but hell, it’s kind of pure. Sweet. It almost makes Kjelle feel things. Though maybe what’s making Kjelle feel those things is the woman mouthing along to it. 

When the song reaches the chorus, Flora fumbles the first lyric. Kjelle can read the misconception on her lips, then nothing at all. The smile disappears, and so do the fullness from her lips. Can that even happen? Maybe Kjelle’s making that up, but either way, that’s a shame. 

She sighs and joins Flora behind the counter. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

Kjelle shakes her head. Like she gives a damn. Like _Flora_ gives a damn.

“ _Even the best fall down sometimes._ ”

“Oh.”

Flora thinks aloud, though all Kjelle can make out are mumbles. 

“I don’t even know why I thought my version made sense.”

“I’m just glad that you’re not teasing me for knowing.”

Flora drifts towards Kjelle, near the crook of her arm. “It’s a good song.”

 _A good song that I shouldn’t know and you don’t know,_ Kjelle almost replies, but lets it go. Knowing when to not ruin a moment is probably like emergency-level how-to-be-a-person rations, but Kjelle has enough to avoid ruining this one particular moment. 

Eventually, when the song reaches the bridge, Kjelle realizes that she has opened her arm, and Flora is standing in its crook. What’s more, Flora is actually singing. Not mouthing, or even whispering. It's probably the only three lines in the song that she clearly remembers. 

_“Don’t stop here._

_“I’ve lost my place.”_

Kjelle closes her eyes, comforted by the voice that only she hears. Christ, Flora can be pretty as hell when she wants to be. It’s gonna drive Kjelle up the wall.

_“I’m close behind.”_

“Yeah,” Kjelle whispers. Since the next few bars are instrumental: “I didn’t realize you’d lost a step.”

Flora slaps her arm. Kjelle realizes that, wow, is Flora short compared to Kjelle. “You flirt.”

Kjelle scratches the back of her neck. She wasn’t trying to. It wasn’t that she didn’t mean to, it’s that she wasn’t trying to. It just… happened. The lyrics come back and Flora mouths the first line to the chorus correctly and Kjelle wonders how the hell her friend the cafe manager and head of staff got her fucked up like this.

\---

Kjelle waits until the line thins before she walks to the front of the counter and gives Flora the book back. 

“Took you a long time.”

Kjelle pulls the book back from Flora’s grasp, as if her tendency to sass Kjelle lately is anything but cute as hell, like a Pomeranian growling. Flora’s shocked at first, then outraged, then full-on smug. “Wait. Did you actually like it?”

Kjelle shrugs. “It had lesbians. I could deal with everything else.”

Flora rolls her eyes with distant affection she doesn’t yet feel comfortable showing, and Kjelle is starting to feel like just waiting isn’t the right move. That it wasn’t this entire time.

“So, what, you just got lazy?”

Kjelle shakes her head. “Good guess, though. No, I read it. Then I let my friend borrow it because she needed something to read. Then Sev lent it to her friend, and that friend’s date was a big book reader, and, well, I think half the women in goddamn Ylisse read it before it got back to me.” She claps the cover of the book. “So congrats, you sent out a book and got back the Rosetta Stone.”

Flora touches the cover near Kjelle’s hand. Kjelle covers it with her own and lets her guard down. Flora’s always struck her as physically cold, but maybe it’s just her ghostly pale skin and love of the snow. Holding her hand indicates an internal fire that heats her up from her core, which Kjelle supposes is very, very Flora- a cool surface with a hidden passionate flame. Kjelle doesn’t know how cold or warm she is herself, but she is not as firm as she would like to be around Flora.

Flora smiles. She might be tearing up a little. Kjelle’s heart pangs once or twice. Inside, she screams _what the fuck_ at herself. She probably had ever since she first realized that the book reminded her of how Flora felt to be around on a good or bad day, but now Kjelle can’t avoid it. Can’t avoid a lot of things, really. 

“That’s really good to hear.” Scoffing: “I hope someone liked it.”

“I was told to tell you that one of them was really grateful to read it,” Kjelle says. “Course, it was lost in a game of telephone so I don’t remember who exactly it was.” She thinks it was that Kagero lady. Can’t be sure, though, and it’s not like it’s worth much. If Flora ever meets Kagero, she can hear it herself. That’d be nice. It’d make her smile more than she is now, and honestly, as long as Flora smiles Kjelle’s okay.

Which is stupid, like really fucking stupid, but that’s the fact of the matter.

“Thanks for letting Ylisse borrow it for a while.”

Flora giggles. “I’m just glad you read it, Kjelle.”

Kjelle points at herself. “Me?”

Flora nods and takes the book back. “I should go.” She looks over her shoulder as she walks away. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kjelle responds. She probably looks like a dope, but only by her standards. She probably hasn’t defrosted enough for someone like Flora.

\---

Kjelle’s mom was always the type to never question what she wants. _Life’s too short,_ she used to say, not in a way that sounded like she was teaching Kjelle, but something Kjelle learned anyways. 

Sometimes she learns some embarrassing shit about herself. Like how she likes hot cocoa in her coffee. How she self-inserts into romance novels pretty damn easily. How stupid romantic songs tend to stay in her memory and feel strangely inviting. How her thing is apparently mom friends who only smile when there’s something cliched and romantic within a ten-mile radius. Doesn’t matter. When she realizes it, she doesn’t deny it. 

She questions the hell out of it, but it’s more _why_ questions than anything. It’s just how she is. 

Kjelle’s never realized her femininity to this scale. Maybe deep down she felt like she wasn’t supposed to, like how gym rats and butch lesbians either didn’t eat sweets or didn’t think they were supposed to. She’s not gonna act like she’s never wasted her life- she’s thirty-three and still isn’t locked into any sort of career- but she’s not gonna waste any more of it acting like she doesn’t want something- or someone- she very clearly does. 

So why the hell is she so nervous?

She still goes to Vildeblume. If any of the other servers try and work with her she tells them flat-out to buzz off. The chubby one with attitude always gives her a mean mug in response, but Kjelle likes that better than the two shy ones who act like they’re the problem. It always makes Kjelle feel bad, but when Flora comes to her table or her spot at the counter with a scolding smirk that Kjelle (hopefully) reads a hint of affectionate bemusement in the edges of, Kjelle feels better.

“I think your other servers hate me.”

Flora shakes her head with mock disapproval. “What are we going to do with you, Kjelle?”

Kjelle can think of a few things but orders her coffee/cocoa instead.

\---

Kjelle doesn’t confess to her any of the times she talks to her. Even just to get it off her chest. So maybe Flora can just tell her off and Kjelle can sweat it out like it’s a bad hangover and not an actually very nice thing. Kjelle thinks it might be because she likes to see if she can make Flora smile and she probably wouldn’t if she made things more serious. 

Come to think of it, it might be because she’s pretty certain that she isn’t nearly romantic or caring or classy enough to catch Flora’s eye and until she gets that confirmed she’d like to have a little fun. But it’s not like she’s about to do a bunch of romantic shit that doesn’t suit her character to win Flora over. Kjelle would be insulted if that happened to her. No one should have to change who they are for someone else. Flowers die. Chocolate gets eaten. Perfume filters into the air. Snow melts. Guitars stop playing when the song is over. 

She’s not gonna con Flora with things that don’t last. Maybe she wants romantic gestures, but Flora needs something that lasts. 

So that’s why when Kjelle finds herself in the mall while Severa shops, she walks to a kiosk selling paper flowers. They all look like roses but Kjelle might just be a philistine. She gets a few blue and white ones with cursive scrapbook paper with words she can’t read. 

They cost twenty dollars. Kjelle spends twenty dollars on paper. 

She doesn’t regret it. They’re very Flora. They’re so obviously Flora that when Severa leaves the department store lined with bags, she looks at the bouquet that Kjelle is holding and gives her a pointed shit-eating grin.

“Whatever,” Kjelle shrugs like she’s not shit-blisteringly red with embarrassment. 

“Hots for the waitress.” Severa shakes her head and all but throws two bags onto Kjelle’s arms. “That’s the cheesiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Damn it, Severa just read her. Kjelle shrugs the bags off of her arms. “Carry your own bags, bitch.” 

“And make all your time at the gym for nothing?” Severa’s hands are against her hip, bags and all.

Kjelle smirks. “No, no, no.” In a sickly sweet tone: “You see, these flowers are for the waitress and I have to keep them in pristine shape.”

Severa carries her bags to her car and gives Kjelle a breathless fuck-you. It’s almost as sweet as how the paper bouquet Kjelle leaves with her next tip for Flora ends up in an empty water jug on the end of the counter where Kjelle usually sits. Only Severa is there next time with crossed legs and a vindictive grin of disproportionate retribution.

Kjelle meets Flora’s eyes when she passes by. Flora smile reaches all the way to her eyes, then she sees Severa sitting near them, waving like an asshole, and giggles underneath her breath. Kjelle chuckles back, hand on her chest. 

That was better than she thought it would be.

Getting a smile out of Flora becomes a game to Kjelle. Turns out, she always wins the rounds where she isn't even aware that she's playing.

\---

When she’s done playing dumbfounded over the whole thing, Severa tells Kjelle to do things that remind her of Flora. Which sounds like something someone with a crush will naturally do, but Kjelle is not remotely wise in the ways of the heart. When it comes to functioning romance, she’s dumber than Severa- _Severa!-_ and so, yeah, needs a reminder to drink water and breathe air and let her crush germinate and grow roots instead of just dying away with Kjelle being satisfied that, yes, she can still have crushes and be fucking useless. 

She needs a systems upgrade. Not a systems check-in. 

Kjelle wears winter clothes more often. She doesn’t have a ton, but Severa always loans her scarves and beanies. Kjelle expects her to bitch about how she owes Severa one but instead Severa just gives her the items with a distantly sad look and a heavy huff. 

Oftimes after she spends time at Vildeblume she fancies a walk in the winter weather, clad in a deep black trenchcoat, baggy pants, a scarf, and a knit cap with a goofy little pom pom on top. Flora always teases her about how domesticated she looks- yeah, she probably does after a summer of being a six-three raging bull in tank tops with gym logos, short shorts, and sweat rags- but one time she tells Kjelle “you look cute” and Kjelle spends the walk afterward wishing Flora was with her.

She’d appreciate it more this time.

The big one Kjelle knows that Flora digs is reading. She never has a novel of her own on her when she’s at Vildeblume, but Kjelle knows about Audible from just about every podcast she's heard and decides to give it a try. Sometimes the phone is on the counter in case Flora wants to see, comment on whatever she’s listening to. _I don’t actually recognize that._ Or _That's a good one, let me know when you get to chapter 19._ Or That _? Kjelle, you don’t have to try_ that _hard._ Kjelle laughs because Flora has no idea how wrong she is. 

“Well, if you’re gonna give this schmaltz a try,” Flora says like her inherent interests are based in shit, before handing a list over to Kjelle. It’s a handwritten guide to all sorts of different books. Kjelle likes how peppy her handwriting is, even if Flora tries to keep the list prim. She reads it more than half the books on the list. 

In exchange, Kjelle goes over to Barnes and Noble and gets a copy of a CD called Urban Flora that she used to own and kind of love before the move happened and she lost it. It reminds her of Flora so intrinsically that she only realizes the pun after she buys it. 

Her initial inclination is to keep it- it’s a bunch of alternative R&B that are the kind of bedroom jams that you only realize are when you listen deeply to it. But hell, her copy is probably in a box somewhere, and even the music is a little steamy- like PG-13 steamy at best- her and Flora are both grownups, or at least that’s her internal justification when she leaves it with her tip after a couple of Vildeblume visits later. 

Doesn’t explain why when Kjelle hears it over the stereo the day after she feels something crazy intense in her chest.

One day when she shows up during lunch break, she sees Flora reading from a book in paperback that was once on her phone, price tag still stick to the spine. She has to leave before Flora sees her and burn off the spike of affection that almost strangles her before going in and eventually admitting “yeah, I actually legit liked that one.” Not admitting “the ice mage reminds me of you.” Definitely not "I kind of wished I was her retainer."

Of course, she doesn’t really know how deep she’s in until she’s humming that damn song from that day with the guitarist. If she looked up the right one it’s called _Collide_ , and Kjelle feels like someone’s mom whenever she listens to it. Probably of a teenager embarrassed at this cocoa-sipping, romance-reading dressed-up mom who thinks she’s still a lesbian rebel like grandma was. That’s also more or less who Flora is though, and Kjelle thinks it’s sexy. Even if Flora were to have a minivan and wore nothing but capris, she's still sexy.

And hey, maybe being this girly is sort of rebellious in itself. She never got a clear sense of what a girl was supposed to feel like until now. It doesn’t even feel like all the crap Flora likes- it just feels like being girly is not being embarrassed like your hypothetical teenage daughters.

Still, the mom of an embarrassed teenager is not who Kjelle wants to be. 

When she next pops in the Vildeblume the ginger points to Flora, who’s generally trying to make herself busy, and whispers something in her ear. Flora pushes her lightly and smiles in a way that gives Kjelle pause, makes her feel like she’s gonna overheat, because she feels like she’s part of someone’s life.

How did Kjelle herself become the thing that Flora smiles over the hardest?

\---

December rolls around after what feels like fucking forever and it seems like they always find their way to each other when Kjelle visits the Vildeblume (and also like that’s becoming her second home). When they talk, Flora lets personal details slip. Never too much. She never overshares (like Severa) but also never undershares (like her). Just enough to interest, though Kjelle wonders if she’s trying not to alienate her. It’s like Flora is trying to be a character in Kjelle’s romance novel, but Kjelle can’t really think of her that way. 

The character description is of a longtime waitress who loves winter because it reminds her of home, who misses her twin sister all the time but is happy that she’s successful overseas “back” in Nohr, that she used to serve as a maid to some of Nohr’s royals and has stories about them, that she’s been in Ylisse for over a decade because she needed some change, and that she likes storytelling because it makes her think of a better world.

“Like, a better place?” 

Flora shakes her head.

“...better situations?”

Flora thinks a little. Then nods her head.

She probably doesn’t know that Kjelle’s still thinking about that nod. That validates everything. How Flora sees herself and how Flora wants others to see her. As better than she thinks she is. It worked on Kjelle, but probably not in the way that Flora wanted. Flora’s never gonna be a princess. She’s never going to be an elite. Kjelle knows Flora as a sappy, self-conscious, emotionally vulnerable waitress at Ylisstol’s premiere and only sapphic cafe, and that seems more okay with her than it ever would with Flora.

More to the point, who does that make Kjelle? Kjelle isn’t fit for the back of a cover. Kjelle’s not a romantic lead. Hell, she’s not even that interesting. Who would wanna write about her?

Eventually, that feeling begins to overtake Kjelle. Yeah, it’s cute. It’s cute to try to make Flora happier, and cuter in a different way that Kjelle is playing Little Miss Romantic. It just doesn’t feel real. It feels like if Flora wants herself to be better, she’d want Kjelle to be way better than she is. 

Kjelle likes Flora but she kinda feels like she doesn't deserve to.

That’s probably why it stops feeling like a game. Kjelle can’t squash the nagging thought that Flora deserves that sort of sweet care every day and doesn’t want to think about the day when that runs out and Kjelle can’t give her that anymore. 

Still, until then, the more smiles the better.

\---

Severa’s the one who calls time. Kjelle has to laugh at how this woman- with such massive romantic hangups that she’s been at the Vildeblume more than Kjelle has in the last month just to get lectured by a fucking teenager- is completely and utterly right.

“You’ve played with Flora long enough.” Severa’s dead serious, slack on the bus stop bench while playing on her phone. She's gone to Vildeblume a lot lately, but the last few times she's driven Kjelle from the gym over which has been a relief. This time, she insisted that they take the bus because apparently, she’s too good for the car sometimes and Kjelle can kick rocks if she isn't.

“See,” Kjelle says, lightly kicking the bus stop. “That’s the problem.”

“What’s the problem?”

“You think I’m just playing around with Flora.”

Severa puts her phone down. “You’re not?”

Kjelle shakes her head.

“You’re… listening to yourself, right?” 

Kjelle nods this time. This all doesn’t make sense, but hell, it’s the correct answer.

“So what are you gonna do? You _know_ who this is, right? Like, I read the novel, and the first thing I thought was, how is Kjelle even _friends_ with someone who owns a novel like this?”

Kjelle doesn’t respond, but it’s response enough. The one percentage of times that she doesn’t have a witty retort to Severa’s barbs are the loudest responses of them all. Severa gives an interested little hum, or an exasperated one, either-or.

“Are you actually…” Severa shakes her head and laughs. 

Kjelle groans, kicking the bus stop again. “What’s so funny?”

“I just… I never expected this. Like, look at you, being all civilized and grown-up.” 

“Are _you_ really gonna make _me_ feel like a _dumbass?”_

Severa’s feet hit the ground. “Dumbass? Kjelle, I’m not saying anything _wrong,_ am I? You’re a meathead. A total jock. You’re a ball of workout sweat and TV dinners and shitty sandals. That’s just who you are.”

Kjelle shakes her head. Okay, maybe she is. She’s a ball of workout sweat and TV dinners and shitty sandals and violent distance and smug smiles. But she’s also a sculpture of a coffee with chocolate creamer drinking, fantasy ice-mage-wooing, Alina Baraz listening, fake flower buying, pete-coat clad semi-romantic, and even if this whole thing with Flora doesn’t work out, she likes at least _some_ of that. She doesn’t think she can just get rid of it all. 

“I don’t care if you don’t think I’m good enough,” Kjelle hisses. “I only care if I do.” 

She doesn’t think she is. Not yet.

Severa stands next to Kjelle, who bristles at her presence. “Look. I don’t think you’re not good enough for Flora. But I think you’re wrong- it doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re good enough for Flora either. It only matters if Flora thinks you're good enough. And at this point, auditions are over.”

Kjelle can only close her eyes. 

“Yeah. Yeah.”

Severa places a hand on Kjelle’s shoulder. 99% of the time Kjelle is a no-touch person. Severa always knows when the one percent is.

“You’ll be fine.”

\---

The Vildeblume feels different that day. Kjelle knows deep-down that it’s the same old cafe that Severa dragged her to when the year started, but Flora’s not really the same old waitress that she met back then. She hasn’t been the same person day-to-day. She’s always meeting a new Flora. It’s… strangely comforting.

Flora meets her eyes at the end of the counter next to the paper flowers while _Urban Flora_ plays in the speakers above them. Kjelle knows that her eyes have some form of fear in them. Hell, even Severa seemed sympathetic to the deep breaths Kjelle had to take before she entered the cafe. Kjelle’s gonna confess this time. There’s no two ways about it. That’s why she looks so terrified- kind of like her romantic side, she had no idea how repressed this fear was until now when it’s taking a double-digit percentage of her heart.

Flora gestures outside with wandering eyes. Kjelle’s prepared for the cold and the snow. When Flora meets her outside, she is too. She always was.

“Kind of silly,” Kjelle admits later, blushing deeply. “I don’t know if I ever felt this way before.”

Flora looks at the ground. She’s crying. Kjelle stops walking so Flora can dry her eyes and not accidentally walk in front of a car. They lean against an unlit street light by an organic grocery store.

“I can’t believe I never saw it,” Flora responds. “Do you actually feel this way?”

Kjelle nods confidently. 

“You weren’t doing this to make me feel better?”

Kjelle shrugs. “I wanted to make you feel better, but… the feelings came before that. I didn’t think being romantic like that was part of me, but… once you gave me that book…”

She sniffles. It’s either the cold or it isn’t. 

“I guess I never got a chance to, like, be a girl.”

Flora looks like she’s about to take Kjelle’s arm. Kjelle nods, and Flora does. 

“These aren’t just… misguided or anything?” Flora looks legitimately concerned over these stupid questions. Like she’s looking for a reason to be disappointed. Like, just maybe, she doesn’t really want to be, but that's what she expects.

“They feel right.”

The way Flora holds her arm feels right too. 

It starts to snow again and they both look up. It’s actually nearing December, so it’s closer to right as far as Kjelle is concerned. Flora grabs Kjelle’s arm tighter, feeling like a hanger-on, but Kjelle likes having Flora this close. She likes the idea of such a great girl being hers.

“Good,” is all she says before leaning onto Kjelle. A minute passes, and Kjelle dissects everything that the word means before Flora adds “I didn’t think I’d ever get this. I…” Kjelle can hear her swallow. Even when Flora is hesitant, she's got an energy with words. “I didn’t believe I deserved someone like you being such a romantic towards me. Anyone at all, but especially you.”

“You kind of do.” Kjelle feels the power of her words. Not just that she likes Flora, but that Flora deserves to be liked. “You really do. And honestly you deserve more, but…" She throws her hands up like _hell with it._

“Are… you sure that you can do that?” Flora asks. “I’m not… easy. I think… as easy as it sounds now, it won’t.”

Kjelle clears her throat and holds out her hands.

“Mind if I?”

Flora looks confused but nods. Kjelle places her hands around Flora’s waist to hug her close, chin resting on her shoulder. Flora sniffs a small laugh, probably because Kjelle’s a doofus who has to ask when hugging someone like that, but hey, maybe it’s ladylike or something. Maybe she actually thinks Kjelle is a romantic and not a gym rat butch who’s just nibbling through her first candy. 

She’ll figure it out.

"I'll do what I can and hopefully it's enough."

Flora places her hands around Kjelle’s waist as well, and Kjelle wonders why the hell she wasn’t supposed to like this.

\---

Flora seems to be scared of confessing, Kjelle notes as they walk back. That’s not the greatest thing, because Kjelle is thick-headed and needs all but a letter of permission to be sweet on someone in a substantial way. Flora smiles at Kjelle and disappears behind the kitchen. Severa’s sitting at the bar next to where Kjelle usually does, by the paper flowers. 

“How’d it go?” Severa asks. 

“I think… probably okay.”

Severa slaps her lap. “ _Probably?_ Look, it either did or it didn’t. There’s no maybe about it.”

“I just don’t want to assume anything.”

Severa sighs. “You really are a dumbass.”

Kjelle shrugs. Maybe she is. But she’s a dumbass with a good feeling in her gut. 

Flora returns with the same cocoa/coffee mix Kjelle’s had for half the year and still hasn’t tired of. Her smile’s covered her whole face, and this time the way it lights up her skin feels like it was meant for Kjelle. Even she knows that, though Severa gives her a look that challenges her to think that _it either did or didn’t_ now.

Flora gestures to the paper bouquet “I always meant to get around to asking…” Flora takes a deep breath, but Kjelle’s eyes read an intent for her to keep going. “Do you know what the words on the flower paper mean?”

“I don’t read cursive well. It just looked pretty.”

Flora chuckles. “Good thing it’s in Plegian script.”

“Nice,” Severa jeers. “Idiot.”

“You must be Severa.” Flora responds. “Kjelle and Lune have told me all about you.”

“Of course they did,” Severa sighs in defeat. 

“Lune’s the ginger, right?” Kjelle asks. 

“Lune is in fact the ginger.”

"Loony Lune."

“She’s a bitch. I love her.”

Flora ugly-laughs, hand on the fake petals. "You girls are just the worst." Kjelle follows it and remembers, oh yeah, we were talking about that. Flora reads it again, then looks Kjelle in the eye. 

“ _Two sets of lips can together cast a stronger spell than one._ ”

Kjelle thinks she gets it. “The more people who do something, the better?” Severa elbows her side with a sharp gasp.

Flora giggles. “I was thinking it meant something more like this.”

She kisses Kjelle on the lips. Hard. Kjelle’s so surprised that she doesn’t reciprocate at first, but Flora’s far more aggressive than she anticipated, enough so that Kjelle has to wrap her hands around her neck and braid them into Flora’s hair. All of that, yet she is still not as passionate as Flora. 

Okay. So Flora really means how she feels. 

Kjelle wouldn't mind if she wanted to mean it longer.

They kiss for long enough that when Flora lets her go, there’s been a round of applause from the entire damn cafe going on the entire time. She hears a few cheers from the staff as well. Kjelle realizes that she’s been part of Flora’s romance novel the entire time, even though this reception feels more like the audience to _Saved By The Bell._

Who's she kidding? She's kind of excited too.

She's never thought of herself as an ideal leading lady but… if the crowds insist. If Flora insists. 

Kjelle looks at the bouquet of flowers and tries to gather her thoughts. All she can say is “Actually, Flora… I think I get it now.”

Flora smiles again. Hopefully she does that a lot more often now.

"Good."

**Author's Note:**

> I mean Gay Fates already proved that Flora could be well-shipped with almost anyone. This was not a surprise. The woman is good with everyone. Kjelle was more of a struggle- initially, this was gonna be Felicia/Robin but I could not really get an idea going. A lot of fics I read have Kjelle as the side character, the "Mama Queer" to all the sapphism and I kinda wanted to give her her own starring role in a story like this. It worked for me at least. Their dynamic is amazing. 
> 
> Song the title is referring to is Pretty Thoughts by Alina Baraz off of Urban Flora. I also referenced Collide by Howie Day bc that song still reminds me of Pride and Prejudice 2004 come on


End file.
